Afterthought

I've come to the conclusion that being in love is somewhat awful. Sure, it's nice at first and you're swept away with the thoughts of being in love, but then you step back and take a look around and just think wow, this really is beautiful. I know you're thinking what can this 15 year old little girl know anything about love? I only know because I've been in it. Anyone who knows me can probably tell you that. But the love I was in was more of a sickening love. An attachment of some sort. That's the only way I can possibly describe it. Sickening. Not because it ended bad, and not because I now hate him. But because the thought of losing him was so horendous. It's like my life depended on being with him. We had so many plans and such a broad future and when it ended it was like, wow. After he left and we cut off all means of communication, I couldn't feel. I blamed him for that, after all he was the reasoning for it. But I was numb. I was stuck in a numb-rut. And as stupid as our relationship was, I'm thankful for it. It taught me about myself. And I guess it's better to have loved and lost then neve to have loved at all.
But back to the part about not feeling:
That's pretty much gone now. Now I have a wonderful boyfriend, and I thought that our relationship would just be kind of a whim sort of thing, but it's not. To me it's a little more then that. And I don't know how he feels, but I know how I feel. And to me that's kind of all that matters. I feel again. And I thank him for that because he made me believe that Bryan wasn't the only guy that I was ever going to love. Life. Goes. On. Yeah, life goes on. Times change and people change. I feel stupid for ever dwelling on the thought of Bryan and loving him. He changed, and I changed. But now I have someone else to give my heart to, and yes there might be more people along the line, but I have to appreciate the time that I have with whoever I'm with at the moment. I have to live in state of happiness as long as humanly possible or else I lose sight of who I am. So yeah, life goes on.



P.S. - this was my first blog and I kind of ramble, sorry!