I've been everywhere with you

So, I tried doing that 30 day challenge thing. It didn't work out...I've just been too busy to do almost anything lately. I haven't even been to the last three basketball games. Insanity, really. I don't even know what I do to be so busy. Anyways, I found something to blog about. If you follow me on Tumblr, then you have already viewed this (well, maybe depending on if you like to creep on all 26 pages of my Tumblr).

So here it goes...

To: You
From: Me



I have something to tell you and I can’t exactly put it into words. You know when you’re trying to think of the name of the person who sings that song that you were just listening to in the car or on the radio, but you can’t remember the name of him/her to save your life? it’s right on the tip of your tongue but you don’t even remember what it starts with and you know that as soon as someone gives you the tiniest hint it will come to your mind as if you knew it all along? that’s why I can’t tell you I love you. You haven’t given me the hint. It’s. Right. On. The. Tip. Of. My. Tongue.

It’s frustrating to think that I am so in love with you, yet I can’t even tell if you are.

Should I be able to? Should I be able to notice the way you look at me and the way that we joke around that you love me too? Are you waiting for me to say it first? Is that why you haven’t said it yet? Have you never told someone you love them? Are you never going to tell me? Will you ever love me? Am I not worthy of your love? Are all the things that we do together not perfect moments for you to tell me you love me? Do you even know what love is? Have you realized I love you? Do you know that I want you to say it? Can you tell that I love you? Do you see the way I look at you? Am I doing something wrong? Are you just waiting to leave for college as use that as an excuse as to why you never even bothered to say those three words to me? Do you know how much this means to me?

Yeah, I’m ranting about this. Yes, I love you. Yeah, I want to hear you say it.

Our time’s almost up. You leave for college in six months. That may seem like a lot of time, but it’s not. Look how fast three months flew by. We won’t even get to make it to a year before you leave. Sure we can try, but you know that stuff doesn’t work out. You’re smarter than that. You’re more logical than that.

I just, I just want to hear it from you at least once. That way I’ll know this relationship actually meant something to you. That I, myself, meant something to you because you definitely mean something to me.

More than something, actually.

Day O1

O1. I like to be different.

O2. Fight Club is my favorite movie.

O3. Local Natives is my favorite band.

O4. I read books for fun.

O5. I am a follower of Christ :)

O6. I'm all about the Roll Tide!

O7. I absolutely looooooove summertime.

O8. My dog, Kirby, is my best friend.

O9. I've never met my father.

1O. Christina means follower of Christ.

11. I am A L M O S T in love.

12. I cherish my friends.

13. I still think about you every single day.

14. My quiet times are the best for me.

15. I suck at any type of math.

Alexithymia

All I have been doing in the past few days is listening to music.

musicmusicmusicmusicmusicmusicmusicmusic.

The Cave by Mumford & Sons is currently number 1 on my Top 25 Most Played in my iTunes. Yeah, kind of awesome. It's weird though because I don't usually listen to them. In fact I hated that band the moment I heard them...so much for that.

Short blog, I know. But right now I don't have to much to say, I've just been...lovin' life.

Black Hole Sun

I don't know why but today I just became really sad. I've had my happy moments obviously, but I've just been straight up sad. I don't know if it's because I'm sick or what, but it's not like a normal sadness. It's New Years Eve and I've changed my plans about a million times, I'm getting ditched by people I care about so they can go drink or whatever, I'm getting ditched by my own friends who I guess just don't care enough about me. I don't know, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm paranoid. But this sadness is a bit overwhelming. It's almost like I have no one to talk to or no one to really listen to me. Sure I have those friends, but I don't know. I don't know what I'm trying or meaning to say. It's odd. Maybe I'm just bitching about stupid shit that doesn't matter. Maybe I'm not. But I'm not happy. Somethings wrong and I can feel it, I just don't know for sure what it is.
I've been feeling like a bad friend lately. Always talking about me. But I listen to my friends problems. I know exactly what they say and how they say it and what they're going through. I just feel like they're annoyed with me somehow. Not just one friend, just like all of my friends. Like I'm too...I don't even know the word. But it bugs me.
I've also been feeling like a bad girlfriend. I worry too much about stupid things. But then I don't get mad when I should. It sort of feels like my relationship has turned into an 'idon'tcarewhatyoudo' type of thing. Which bugs me. Not until today did I really realize that. That alone, scares me for reasons that will go unsaid.
But, I don't know I'm just SAD. I don't feel like doing anything. I could care less about my grades. I've been in a deep stage of depression before and this kind of feels like that used to. I don't know this is scary. I say I don't know a lot, but that's only because I don't know what's going on.
I. Don't. Know.



Being sad scares me because for so long all I wanted was to be happy. I found that. and I DON'T KNOW why I don't feel that way right now....

Epiphany

It's always rainnnnnnnnnin' in my headddddddddddddddd
Sorry, I'm listening to Staind and this song is EPIC.

Anyways, I've been thinking a lot lately. Mainly about my life and how I live it. That's why it's taken me so long to post another blog. I wanted to post something really deep and meaningful. And I think that's what I'll do!

I wish my life away. I'm constantly looking forward to the Next. I never really enjoy the Now. That's something that I've always had a problem with, and ever since recently I'm trying to change that part of me. I would really like to enjoy my life and not just look forward to something that will go on in a few days. Before you know it those few days you spent thinking about the future are gone. They're in the past. You'll never regain those days back ever again. That's somewhat of a regret that I have. So, like I said I'm going to try and fix it by just cherishing every single moment I have by doing something and not really looking to the Next.
I read this book called The Lucky One by Nicholas Sparks. I know, I know cliche author. But anyways, this book kind of opened my eyes to a few things.
One: Everyone has a destiny. Maybe they don't ever figure it out, maybe they do and they just take forever to find it, maybe they don't care. But they have one. Everyone does. It's all apart of God's plan. Destiny.
Two: Faith is crucial. Not just in religion, but in people as well. This I'm almost certain. If you have no faith in anything, then you really have nothing to live for, right? Passion. Faith = passion. Simple.
Three: Everyone finds love. This can happen in a variety of ways. Family, friends, and yeah that one soul mate. Maybe you don't have a soul mate, maybe you do. Maybe you don't have friends, maybe you have a few. Maybe your family's all gone, they still love you. Everyone finds love. Millions and billions of forms of love are out there.
Four: No one should live in the Next. Self explanatory.
and Five: Life. Is. Short. Make the most of it, and try to make as little regrets as possible.

I don't know if this is ever going to mean anything to anyone. I don't know if this is going to change the way you view some things, or even the way you view me. I've just opened my eyes and I look around and see people being alive, but that doesn't mean they're living. In order to live you have to know what it's like. And through these things I can live. Maybe you're different. Maybe not.
It's best to just live to the fullest and actually truly live.

Lazarus

So I ended up not posting a blog about the Lunar Eclipse.
I sort of kind of didn't hear my alarm go off on my phone. Oh well. Haha. Anyways,
I didn't go to the school today. I just sat around sick and read.
This is going to be a pointless blog because I have nothing to talk about and kind of don't feel like going in depth. I feel like stating random facts...SO I SHALL!

I miss Daniel :/

Christmas is Saturday!

My name means follower of Christ :)

TOMORROW'S UGLY SWEATER DAY <3

I love Kirby

I have zero money to get my parents anything for Christmas so I'm making them cards

I'm tired

Okay, this is really pointless now.

Six Feet Under the Stars

So today was blur. I don't remember anything that happend except for seeing Daniel and doing nothing in each and every single one of my classes...I hate school.

Tonight there's supposed to be a Lunar Eclipse. According to the Weather Channel and other websites it's supposed to turn red. This kind of frightens me, but I also find it fascinating. Wow, I'm a freak. I plan to stay up to see it. I have my alarm set for 2:00 and my blankets already in a bundle. I might need to catch up on some sleep right now so I won't be tired as balls when I wake up. I'm really sick too...so this might give me some really good rest time.

Sorry this isn't a deep and meaningful blog. I'm kind of too sick to care.

I'll post a blog early in the morning to tell you how the eclipse goes! :)